Sao Feng’s Treasure : Friday Fictioneers – 28 March 2014

Copyright-John Nixon

“Perfect Josh, hold it still.”

“Pete, you were right!” Sean screamed. “Two mirrored staffs in the mangrove; Jack Sparrow’s map was right; they point there on sea.”

“Sao Feng’s treasure” Josh could barely hold his excitement. “Dive Pete, find what’s below! We have beaten ‘Curse of Calypso’.”

“Yup! All alive and about to be rich”, Pete screamed and ran to take the dive.

After an agonizing wait – Pete came up, Sao Feng’s gold dagger in his fist.

“Sean, where’s Josh?”

“Dunno Pete, my eyes were fixed on the pointer. Josh was behind!” Sean’s voice trembled.

Calypso? Or 2 shares are better than…

===================================================

100 word Flash Fiction written for Friday Fictioneers challenge dated 28 March 2014. It’s a weekly challenge organized by Rochelle Wisoff.

You can see the other Fictioneer’s take from the froggy link below –

 

35 responses to “Sao Feng’s Treasure : Friday Fictioneers – 28 March 2014

  1. The curse of greed, I suspect! But nice that you don’t specify.
    Well told🙂

  2. I got a bit confused with the characters here, and wondering whether there was a significance in the change from past tense to present tense part-way through. Is it Sean’s voice that should be trembling at the end and not Josh’s? Or am I hopelessly not getting this? It has been known. 🙂

  3. I got the story line and the significance of the last line. But the tense change got me, too. In these spots: “Pete screams and runs to dive” (and what does “to dive” mean?) Maybe “Pete screamed, ran and dove?” Then again here: “Pete comes up” (“came up.”) Where you fooled me was that I thought this might turn out to be a video game. 🙂

    janet

    • Errr…. ummmmm… aha!🙂
      Got your point Janet – and thanks for being such a helpful critique – have tried to put in some improvement !

  4. Greed can ruin everything including a life-long friendship! Thanks for the great read! Nan🙂

  5. Omg loving the pirates of the Caribbean feel!!Great job

  6. And one share is even better… never show you back in the face of gold.

  7. Nice bit of intrigue there. Well done!

  8. Dear Indrajit,

    Strange how the promise of wealth can divide and destroy, isn’t it? Nice illustration of that.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  9. great story Indrajit! loved it, i dont think it was calypso.

  10. i like that you let the readers decide the ending.. could be the curse… could be greed. i personally think it’s the latter🙂

  11. Good story. Greed strikes again. Well done.

  12. Loved the nod to Pirates of the Caribbean and the search for treasure.
    Well done
    Dee

  13. As Captain Jack Sparrow might say with a knowing nod–“Pirate.” Good one–I enjoyed reading it.

  14. Horus, This was a good read until you added that last line, IMO. Trust your readers, my friend. We had already gone there.😉

    I did, however, thoroughly enjoy this take on the prompt.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  15. The lure of treasure. Lots of bodies on most expeditions. Great little tale.

  16. Yikes!Wonder where Josh disappeared-waiting to ambush the other two maybe? ;-)Great twist and loved this take Indrajit:-)

  17. Were they playing an online game? This sounds like something my grandsons do.

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