Trap : Friday Fictioneers 20th February 2015

PHOTO PROMPT – © Copyright Marie Gail Stratford

PHOTO PROMPT – © Copyright Marie Gail Stratford

All six that came down in the crane-lift with me are dead. I am still alive after 3 days, only because they died, with their lunch boxes and water bottles.

The lights in the dark shaft flickered; a radio in someone’s pocket came alive-

“C-Q! C-Q! This is Jharia coal mine base-station. The volcanic eruptions have stopped. If you are still trapped please respond for rescue efforts”

I move on all fours to the blocked wall of the shaft. It’s glowing in the flickering yellow of the lights. No one in our village has ever seen a real diamond. Can these be real?

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This is for Friday Fictioneers hosted by gracious Rochelle !

For rest of the fictions follow the froggy link below:

37 responses to “Trap : Friday Fictioneers 20th February 2015

  1. Dear Horus,

    Now that’s what I call a light at the end of the tunnel. Nicely done.

    shalom,

    Rochelle

  2. Dear Horus,

    He should swallow as many as he can just before the rescuers reach him. I liked this story very much.

    Aloha,

    Doug

    • Well Doug – I am not sure if swallowing is a good idea as I heard they can lead to death by cutting through whatever they pass through!🙂

      Thanks for your appreciation !

  3. Sounds like a very dangerous job. I’d suggest if the diamonds are real he gets out of that line of work as fast as possible.

  4. Opportunity in the midst of tragedy. Nice take on the prompt.

  5. I think this is what you might call a ‘bad news – good news’ type of story. Well done!

  6. Crackling with tension. Nicely done!

  7. Like this! It suggested to me that he might not actually answer the call, and may get too excited by the diamonds to remember to be rescued.

  8. I think you portrayed human nature perfectly. “My friends are dead – I am going to die – They will rescue me – Oh, look at that diamond.” Nicely done.

  9. Enjoyed this one, well done. I hope he doesn’t stay distracted.

  10. I think that the winner takes it all…

  11. Great stuff, Horus. You packed a full adventure into 100 words this week.

    One tiny nit: In the last paragraph, “moved” should be “move.”

    By the way, I really like the way you use present tense for the action here.

    All my best,
    Marie Gail

  12. At least some good will come from this disaster, at least for him. Hopefully they’ll be able to get him out. Just one thing–“on all fours” rather than “four.”

    janet

  13. Dear Horus, I hope he bets out and has filled his pockets full of the diamonds. Might as well get something out of this disaster. Good story! Nan 🙂

  14. This story has many up-beat elements. The lunches and water, the rescue, the diamonds. Finders keepers? Nicely done.

  15. I love open endings. Great story, it had me hooked right away.

  16. i’m glad he’s saved. a happy ending for sure.

  17. I guess the real light of day is worth a thousand diamonds in cases like this. Great story.

  18. Loved the surprise ending – what a happy find. Well told.

  19. Hmmm, perhaps there will be some good in that horrible situation. Though I don’t think he’s the finest example of human nature…thinking about diamonds while his coworker are dead. But perhaps it’s all shock. Nicely done.

  20. In the face of tragedy, there is a glowing light. But also, what does it matter when his life is at stake? Rich story. Well done.

  21. When I think of the desperation of people who work to live in these mines I can justify his thinking of riches while his co workers lay dead around him. I would imagine this whole experience will be life changing. Hopefully there will be some good in it.

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