Changing our partners !

This is an article I was sent and that being one of my favorite topic, I couldn’t stop pondering on it. The original article can be seen here.

My take on the topic:

The first thing as a human being we need to understand is that we can never “change” anyone else in this world but ourselves. So entering into a relationship with the objective of changing someone is foolish.

Secondly every character in this world is like an onion, with several layers, and layers that are initially invisible. Now mostly when we are attracted into a relationship we get attracted by that outermost shell. Those with some maturity take time to understand the next few layers and take a call if that is acceptable or not. Some who are really dumb are hypnotized by the outer shell refuses to see beyond them. And most think that with time and their love they will be able to change or mould those next few unacceptable layers as per their wish. In both the cases they are met with severe disappointments.

Those who are mature enough, or learns the hard way with failures, in some cases, more than one failure, understands that it is wrong to “Expect”. Its even more wrong to “Expect” the other one to “Change”. It is only wise to calculate, if they are ready to live with those unacceptable layers, and more of the hidden layers. Whether they are confident that they can take enough from the layers they are in love with, and ignore or adjust with the layers that will be visible in times to come, even if they are unacceptable. And those who knows how to adjust themselves with those unacceptable layers, and yet make the other one comfortable are better off. And those handful of pairs, where this happens from both the ends live in bliss.

The power is in “your” hand not with the other one to make the change.

10 responses to “Changing our partners !

  1. i too believe those who enter a relationship with the hope/determination/plan of changing someone are fool! they ruin the relationship.

      • seen some really painful results. that is why i never bug, i sometimes request but at the end i know i will have to make that person feel that smoking is a very deadly habit, but he is the one who will have to stop it. my bickering wont help if he doesnot agrees.

      • Like many addictions – smoking too needs much more than just will – its a very powerful addiction and demands lots of psychological as well as medical support if one really wants to quit for good !

  2. something funny, previous comment disappeared!!!
    anyways although I agree with the topic, but a slightly varying read at : http://www.alonestranger.com/2012/08/making-over-our-partners.html

  3. I totally agree with the latter part of your article.. Trying to change someone is foolish as well as ..umm.. how to put it… immoral could be the word but not entirely.. anyway, if one wants to stay with another person with the claims of love than he has to accept that person in both – his best and worst.. just the way we accept our siblings or parents or children just the way they are..

    • Eggjhyaaktly!😀

      Anyway – isn’t black-n-white boring? There is so much fun in the innumerable shades of grey ! so why bother changing everything to black n white and not accept the grays as they come!

  4. Entering a relationship should be a two way learning process instead of a changing of personality process. Good write up!

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