Buzz, Din and Blabber

 Why cant the things be simple anymore? Remember those days
of childhood, when you always looked forward to the days when all the cousins will come together. You play, you share, you quarrel and you reconcile again. So easy! When you are angry you could thrash all those bushes and shrubs with your wooden sword; or pierce the hapless banana tree trunk with all the arrows you have; spin the snakes by their tail, pick n throw the frogs at will and chase the shadow of cloud through the open fields.

 That buzz in the head, just cant keep it down. As soon as the commercials appear, it grows into a roar from the din. So many thoughts; but they remain just at that. The moment I thi8nk of putting them together – swoosh… thin air. Thought of jumping up to the keyboard and hit them as fast as I can to trap them before they pull up their Houdini act.

 Never thought I will catch up so many movies. Hmm .. can call it a true sabbatical. Only if I could junk the feeling that keeps nibbling and those uncontrollable showers. Last time I caught so many movies of my like
was after the higher secondary and before the college. In those two months, partnering with the tall guy, who was my best friend, (and am sure still is!) But they were not one tenth as many mush flick as I do now. Someone changed it, and vanished. But I keep watching them and keep feeding the din n buzz in the head.

There you go; the rain comes again. And I am not talking about the ongoing shower that’s indoors. Why is it this year, its raining so much? Or is it that I am seeing it more this time around? May be it always rained this way, and I never noticed? Or is it telling me that no matter what, some things will never change? Like my longing; like the fragrance I keep smelling behind my back, and the hand that kept clutching mine in the darkness
of night.

 

Whatever! So what I was saying? Why aint it that easy anymore? When you knew if your eyes were moist, sooner or later someone will come up, hug you and ask, and tell you that everything will be fine. That time, when you know, that if you miserably lost the match or got beaten up by the bully, or all the friends were angry on you and didn’t take you in their same, you can always run back to you mom, sink your head in that soft cotton sari covered lap, and cry your heart out. And nobody will scold you, no body shout back at you and explain you, show you the way out of the dark.

 

Ya ya, I know, I have been told enough times now, that I have not kept my side of the promises; SO I need to live this one out. So the green bottle with blue and white pills can only come out from the pocket to the hand, and no further. Whtaever may be the situation, I need to show, how strong men are supposed to be, and fight it out. SO what if it takes the entire life, fighting. Always be just there, but never actually. Good enough just to see it. And be told how envious I am, and not fit for anything and all that. But I still need to survive, may be just to show that, after all I did keep my side
of the words, and expected the same on the other side. Yeah that’s my fault, expectations, and hopes and dreams. Let kill some dreams tonight…

3 responses to “Buzz, Din and Blabber

  1. I really have no life..lol I bought like 10 books now after coming to India! No wonder people can\’t find my head – it\’s ina  book.
     
    Let\’s kill some dreams tonight – nice.
    So are the blogs alive once more? are we?

  2. hi
     
    my dreams all broke as a child
     
    and as i grew sumtimes i was forced to dream but they soon broke…
     
    i find people treading on my dreams breaking then to tiny pieces, my soul already lost its real essence.
     
    but i neeed to survive – i am the survivor.
     
    I never had that soft lap of my mom. she has always been sten with me and now even i keep to myself as i used to as a child..i do love my mother alot but still she has made me sumthing i never imagined.. ive learnt to live the harder way maybe. though i have a family i have none – i have ppl who will laugh at me if i cry and this has been since i was a child…
     
    tears used to b a reason for mr to b mocked so now i dnt cry anymore…
     
    In this brutal world
    sumwhere i lost my soul.
     
    Regards

  3. ohh well dunt worry
    dunt pity yourself
     
    i havent
     
    i lost a marriage too because of my family.
     
    lost a child to fate
     
    now im sick with several things like scoliosis, Trigemenial Neuralgia, etc etc
     
    medically prononuced physically disabled but my will power and adamancy to survive has got me through it all and here i am despite the pain standing on my feet.
     
    I am planning to start a new life, but still im a lill worried. stay strong and dude
    i wish u all the best in life

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