Dreams of a Single Father!

61% of all child abuse is committed by biological mothers

25% of all child abuse is committed by natural fathers

Statistical Source: Current DHHS report on nationwide Child Abuse79.6% of custodial mothers receive a support award

29.9% of custodial fathers receive a support award

46.9% of non-custodial mothers totally default on support

26.9% of non-custodial fathers totally default on support

66.2% of single custodial mothers work less than full-time

10.2% of single custodial fathers work less than full-time

7.0% of single custodial mothers work more than 44 hours weekly

24.5% of single custodial fathers work more than 44 hours weekly

Statistical Source: Technical Analysis Paper No. 42 – U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services – Office of Income Security Policy

44.5% of fathers with no visitation pay all the support due

37.9% of fathers are denied any visitation

66.0% of all support not paid by non-custodial fathers is due to inability to pay

Statistical Source: 1988 Census “Child Support and Alimony: 1989 Series P-60, No. 173 p. 6-7. and U.S. General Accounting Office Report” GAO/HRD-92-39FS January, 1992
40% of mothers reported that they had interfered with the father’s visitation to punish their ex-spouse.

–See “Frequency of Visitation….” by Stanford Braver, American Journal of Orthopsychiatry

The  data is from here

“Unmarried and just 33 years old, Sandip recently adopted Arjun, the first in the country to do so in almost a decade.
… Sandip had applied for the adoption with Bal Darshan four years ago.  “I did get frustrated at times,” he admits. “I had to answer weird queries like ‘why would a tall, good looking young man like me want to adopt a child?’ Or I would be asked to get letters from people who I had absolutely no association with. For instance, the builder who was bringing down our bungalow in Mumbai to construct a building,” recalls Sandip.”

Source
“In the country’s first case of a surrogate child conceived for a single father, a city-based infertility clinic handed over the infant to its proud parent in Kolkata Sunday evening.… “The pre-requisite for single parenthood through ART is marriage, which Banerjee fulfilled,” the doctor, who is a member of the national committee set up to frame guidelines for ART clinics in India, said.”

 

Source

Each of the report one comes across shows how much a male wants to be blessed with fatherhood. How much importance a father gives to the feeling of being with his kid, yet, its always the mother who is given prominence. I have always maintained that just because of the pain a mother felt, the child should always be grateful. Yet, isn’t a father equally giving and feel in his own way, the emotions attached with parenthood? Doesn’t he spend sleepless nights looking at his little angel? Doesn’t he toil those extra hours just to have those extra pennies for the future of his child? Doesn’t he go through the same, excitement, anxiety, pain and ecstasy that a mother feels? Why is the society then so much bent towards mother then?

So much so, that its so hard for a male to be a father, when he is bootstrapped? He is dependant upon the lady’s consent to bring his own offspring to earth. And if he cant have one biologically, and wants to adopt one – regulations galore; until he has a wife at home, or lives in a joint family or of a particular age, he can’t even adopt. And even if he somehow meets all the criteria, the point (j) of 1.1.10 from the regulations termed by CARA (Central Adoption Resource Agency), is a killer. By the way, that’s one of the “safeguards”. And it states – “Placement of girls with a single male is not allowed as also placement of children with same sex couples.” Poooof!! There goes the dream. A single father can never adopt a girl child!! Though a female can. And even if a male is a widower, he can! And there are examples galore that how caring those fathers are. Yet…

Well it doesn’t “term” any guideline for a single father who is divorced or separated, who knows, when a hapless one embarks on a journey, some over-enthusiastic “babu” (or “bibi” – it might be) might interpret some of the guidelines which asks him to hang from the cliff in one hand and take out money from his pocket and count it, to show that he is capable of becoming a father. And I am not even worrying about the remarks, expressions, and reactions he has to face. As if the separation was something that he has charted in his own terms and will. Why is it so difficult? Why is the society so much biased towards females? Even when it comes to the question of maintaining a relationship, till such time that the relationship exist but in doldrums, in some case the woman will be termed guilty and in others the man; but when it ends, it will always be the man’s fault. Why so much prejudice? Why so much predefined conceptions? Why can an individual be treated as an individual?

So you are free to give! Anything! Whether its your blood, eyes, other organs or hard earned money, you can give it to the society. But the moment a man asks for something in return, the society arms itself to its teeth. The males are the one who has to be strong, who needs to earn the bread, who has to be one of superlative moral character, who has to be caring, giving and forgiving, who needs to be loyal, and has to be understanding. Yet he is not someone who should be understood as an individual. On the other hand, the females are the enigma! They are the one who needs to be protected and ..  Each of the statistics collected shows what  men do, and contrary to the  popular and safe beliefs, yet, they are bound and gagged and labeled  for life.  Life alone is  a  real  tough alley my friend! Why cant a single male be allowed to dream and live his dreams?