How much is enough

 

The maddening running around, the constant pounding and
dizzying blindness – can leave even the toughest nuts a bit numb. And I thought
I was tough. Lost in the narrow shady alley, I was wondering if it’s a blind
alley? With no way out? Not being able to decide if I should resign and sit
away the rest of the time left, or bang my head on th dark wall blocking my way
till it breaks down.

 

May be deep in my heart I was praying for a divine light
from somewhere showing me way; or may be a soft yet firm hand holding me up and
guide me out. May be they did, – in their own loving way. I was shocked! Me who
despised any form of pitiful help from any quarter ‘expecting’ assistance? Me,
who always knew the route map like the back of his hand, lost in a blind alley?
Me, who snorted at the nomads resting at night, thinking of resigning from the
journey? But then – may be that’s what happens to those choosing to fight it
out, at some time or the other.

 

Sitting and sulking at my own corner of the world, I was
waiting to rise. Time and again reaching for that support, to grab and pull
myself up, only to find either the support itself crumbling, or a new deluge
gushing in to sink me. Just when I was gasping for a breath, just when I was
planning to hammer in the last nail myself, a voice gave me a reason… a soul
gave me a light.. someone was trying to create a space for me – which I am
supposedly deserve.

 

Thinking and planning and thinking till the brain cant take
any longer, I realized world is not perfect, “I” am not perfect – there will be
slips and mistakes. And that’s because there is always a room for improvement.
We are not in Utopia, and you “do not” get what you want. But what you might
get can be hundred times better than what you have, and can be a reason itself
to keep moving ahead.

 

So as the life kept thinking that it has softened me, got me
by my neck, I let it feel good thinking so. Coz’ I know – down here I am not
retracting or retreating. I am recoiling, like a spring, to jump forward a
thousand paces, when I am ready. The cloud is giving me cover, the winds
soothing battered nerves, and the raindrops – touching me lightly, caressing,
loving – making me long for more. As I lay here, waiting, a soft yet firm voice
keeps reverberating in my ears, giving me the reason – just one word, to keep
living. Glimpses that a pair of eyes has captured keeps coming back – reminding
me of a possibility, however bleak it might look like, to make me silently sit
up, and smile back at life. Just wait – till I am back…