Confession, Disclaimer and Few Other Things

I always felt words are powerful; both when spoken and written. But never realized that same is true for what I write too. When I started writing here, I used to write for myself. My feelings and me, unedited. I never wanted to claim that the words were all mine. But as the flow progressed I started taking pride in them. And forgot that the reason I am feeling proud is that its been responded to by others. And I also forgot that people associate me with the words I put in here.

So I was surprised when I started writing to others instead of just writing for myself. And I started feeling even more good when I found that I am able to use these place to communicate with people I want to communicate to. And I was shocked when it also hurt some. Because people have for obvious reasons associated all my words with me. I confess, that though all the feelings expressed are mine, some of the words might not be. During the beginning there were some posts that were purely lifted, and in some I mentioned that. And then in some, some memories of something read in past crept in; may be consciously. But not with the intension of copying, and never to put forward a feeling that’s not mine.

The ones that I felt good reading back and I knew cannot be claimed by anyone else, I have listed. The ones I was not clear to my conscience, I didn’t. But as some feelings were purely mine and precisely directed, I might have hurt feelings, and I should and am sorry for that. And I sincerely know how bad it must have felt. And the fault was entirely mine.

As someone pointed out today, there might be people who like to smile and cry with what I write. And I do not have the right to hurt their feeling. The realization was pleasant but also disturbing. This means, now I have to be more careful with all I write. Or may be at least be honest with what I write. They may be broken pieces of my heart or diamond edges of my feeling, but they should not hurt. If there is one word that I dread, its misunderstanding; and can do anything under the sun and moon to set it right. And when I realized that while trying to communicate with one, I am being understood by many but misunderstood by the one, my alarm bells went berserk.

I started contemplating a full stop. Amazingly the moment I decided on that all my inhibitions were gone. I knew now I no longer feel threatened by the judgmental, fickle human understanding, and my feeling came out in a torrent with the words. And they were all saved for future when I get the right audience for them, or may be just for me. And I kept writing and saving and not publishing. Not to punish myself or someone else, but to see if the situation improves. I went into a low; but the eternal optimist won. I saw the moments I treasure, each as one lifetime. I found the gems once more, which I was gifted and never imagined in life that I can have them. So I came back, to confess.

Yes I am human, and not the rain god or the son of Isis I claim. Yes I sell lies as a profession, but here I do not market myself. It’s me, for those who want. It’s my feelings and “mostly” my words except a few. Yes I am sorry that I hurt. And no, I am not here to tell a saga of distress and despair. I will keep on improving; as someone says, “I am daily making myself what I am”.

Up Next BBRR …..

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13 responses to “Confession, Disclaimer and Few Other Things

  1. errrr
    yeh kya ho raha hai??
    seems like i missed out on lots..
     

  2. nice , , , . . . . …
     
    being honest is the best thing to you . .

  3. yes i fully agree with the conclusive statement. btw i would rather move on then look back and wonder. time aint stoppin for me. And before u know life will be over.

  4. Thanks a ton for the post! and greedy that I m expect a lot more…. 🙂

  5. rest easy
    rain soaked soul
    your truth prevails.
     
    Thanks for the simple words on my space. Stay happy.
     
     

  6. sitting by
    every lake
    every water
    I wait.
    the ripples
    I await.

  7. umm seems like a lot is runnin thru your head….your posts are not really like these….i wish i had time but i really gotta run another busy week…
    but whatever be it–just take care! and SMILE.
     

  8. well this is YOUR blog…you must always write for YOURSELF first:)

  9. I think Horus you should write what occurs to you -unedited..some maynot agree with it but its ur space where you have to unleash yourself.. Geminis!! Gosh! why are they so sensitive?? Alws trying to keep people happy sometimes at their own expense!!I like each post of urs which shows how unique you are & plz stay the way as you are after all, this space is personal on-line diary & none of advocative or dictatorial effort!cheersN

  10. best if one writes what one wants to….

  11. hi,feel each should write what he desires!contradictions are a part of life!some will agree and some disagree!
    you write beautifully!
    tc and kp in tch
    sonia

  12. But I am daily making myself better! Ok that was twenty year old\’s stupid arrogance…But you know, even though we say we write for ourselves and noone else, I think all of us do it, as I\’ve said earlier, for those 15 hits of fame… It matters Horus, atleast to me… To know that my words found resonance somewhere…It\’s silly, also a bit much to let it affect you so much. But the fact of the matter is that it does…Maybe we\’re slightly more passionate/sentimental than others… Again, speaking for myself..Dunno..but I take my words here very seriously… It\’s the one place where there are thankfully no facades…
    Ok buhbye now..
    S

  13. Wow -lots of introspection . Yes I agree that there is a time that we write for the responses therefore what  we write will have a bias or a slightly colored twist to it .But when we do keep at it ,therte comes a time that we are writing just for the sheer joy of it . Those times we really cannot claim that these arec our thoughts and feelings ,there comes once in a while a time that you come up with something  great that  you really feel aboutt deeply . Its the nearest thing you can call a master piece as far as your limited abilities go  and at that moment you realise that you are just channelising a truth ,just feeling grateful that you can be the medium of expression of beauty ,be it words , a picture or a sculpture.And then what you have created cannot hurt or offend .But you have to make the entire journey from brilliance ,arrogance ,indifference ,writers block ,humility .contrition and peace at last . So keep writing  whether its your truth or someones that you are sharing with all of us . At the end getting across and connectivity is what  matters.Try and read abook called The Writers Way by Julia Cameron. You will enjoy it . All the best  .

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