expected people to comment; I didn’t start a debate as some have thought. These
were just some of the questions that sprung to my mind on a lazy cloudy
morning. A few questions that pained and a few thoughts that raised a storm.
But now looking at the list of people commenting, I have
some views – from both the sides. Pakhi wanted me to sum em up. Am I qualified
to sum up the average opinion? I don’t feel so. So instead, what I might try,
is to give the overall viewpoint; one from a neutral perspective the other
obviously going to be my perspective.
From the Neutral perspective, it is a scientifically proven
fact that androgens are much more easily triggered than estrogen. Which means
an average male get physical urges more easily than his female counterpart. It
is the society in general and Indian society in particular to our discussion,
has a significant role in molding our reactions. And the reactions have hard
wired our reactions too. Which means, the average male are hard wired to look
at females as a subject of pleasure, and the average female are hard wired to
treat the males as lustful predators. For the males its something to win and
savor, while for the females its about building walls and raising alarms. So
for a male the physical angle to love comes much earlier, while for an average
female, its not something non-inclusive in love but preferred as the final
stage. Both for the average male as well as female, love without an embodiment
is not realistic. Whether it s a person on chat or on the other side of the phone
line, everyone creates an image. And this image is as per their own perception
or more to their satisfaction. Both male and female seek returns in love; only
the expectations of returns vary. So for male it might be physical
gratification or mere being in her presence, while for the female it might be
the sense of security or the feeling of dominance on a perceivably dominant
sex. And for both at times it’s moving around with him or her as the winning
prize of a competition.
So whatever amount we try, males will be prejudiced as
an impatient predator and females will continue to look down on them as the
scum of the world. People equate almost all sorts of emotions with love. But
there are very few who equate love with mutual respect; giving the support to each
other – may be; only giving and not expecting anything back – is that possible?
People generally do get hurt when they are least expecting, whether they are
male or female. And those who have nurtured a few little hopes and dreams,
shows them to others too early and further exposes themselves to hurt. – Well
as far I am concerned that’s the Neutral Generic Perspective.
My perspective? Well these were my questions – right. Which
means I know what I feel? Irrespective of how I am perceived based on the hard
wired generic responses. So for me the answer to first question is no. Its not
the “only” stuff, but being human and male, I too react in certain ways – how
is it perceived is a different question. For love, an embodiment is not
required. As per the generic perception, I can too have an image in mind; I
believe, till such time that I am not craving to see that image to get embodied
as I want, it right. If I try to force the person to become the image I have, I
am wrong. I might be a weirdo or a freak or unbelievable, but the fact is, I
have never “expected” anything back when I am loving. To me love is giving and
hoping that if I have given enough, I might get something back. I know, the
hard-wired standard responses are – this is not real, so I must be lying. Do I
care? Impatient, I am never! Predator? Some people like to snatch and some
people like gifts. I feel like the second group. Yes we have earned the bad
name – but still hope to have some trials before the judgments are passed, its
easier for me and I guess a few other men too. If love is possession then how
come the caged bird yearns for freedom? When I respect a person for what she is
and get respect, when I know both can expect support equally from the other,
and both are competing to give the other more – that’s when I feel loved. Hurt
is life! When I get hurt I know I am alive – and ready to go out and love. I
don’t know if I am entitled, but I have my little dreams and hopes; have shared
them with few; yet to see someone walking beside towards it; but I know
somewhere down the journey, there will be one.
As I always say, there is no 20 before 19. Does that mean
that standing at 19 we start believing 20 does not exist? The very next step
would bring us to it. It wrong to take decisions just from our own experiences.
There’s is more to world than we have seen or believed. If we keep faith in our
dreams and hopes and keep walking, we will definitely reach there.