Answers And A Bit More

So people have commented and people have debated. I never
expected people to comment; I didn’t start a debate as some have thought. These
were just some of the questions that sprung to my mind on a lazy cloudy
morning. A few questions that pained and a few thoughts that raised a storm.

But now looking at the list of people commenting, I have
some views – from both the sides. Pakhi wanted me to sum em up. Am I qualified
to sum up the average opinion? I don’t feel so. So instead, what I might try,
is to give the overall viewpoint; one from a neutral perspective the other
obviously going to be my perspective.

From the Neutral perspective, it is a scientifically proven
fact that androgens are much more easily triggered than estrogen. Which means
an average male get physical urges more easily than his female counterpart. It
is the society in general and Indian society in particular to our discussion,
has a significant role in molding our reactions. And the reactions have hard
wired our reactions too. Which means, the average male are hard wired to look
at females as a subject of pleasure, and the average female are hard wired to
treat the males as lustful predators. For the males its something to win and
savor, while for the females its about building walls and raising alarms. So
for a male the physical angle to love comes much earlier, while for an average
female, its not something non-inclusive in love but preferred as the final
stage. Both for the average male as well as female, love without an embodiment
is not realistic. Whether it s a person on chat or on the other side of the phone
line, everyone creates an image. And this image is as per their own perception
or more to their satisfaction. Both male and female seek returns in love; only
the expectations of returns vary. So for male it might be physical
gratification or mere being in her presence, while for the female it might be
the sense of security or the feeling of dominance on a perceivably dominant
sex. And for both at times it’s moving around with him or her as the winning
prize of a competition.

So whatever amount we try, males will be prejudiced as
an impatient predator and females will continue to look down on them as the
scum of the world. People equate almost all sorts of emotions with love. But
there are very few who equate love with mutual respect; giving the support to each
other – may be; only giving and not expecting anything back – is that possible?
People generally do get hurt when they are least expecting, whether they are
male or female. And those who have nurtured a few little hopes and dreams,
shows them to others too early and further exposes themselves to hurt. – Well
as far I am concerned that’s the Neutral Generic Perspective.

My perspective? Well these were my questions – right. Which
means I know what I feel? Irrespective of how I am perceived based on the hard
wired generic responses. So for me the answer to first question is no. Its not
the “only” stuff, but being human and male, I too react in certain ways – how
is it perceived is a different question. For love, an embodiment is not
required. As per the generic perception, I can too have an image in mind; I
believe, till such time that I am not craving to see that image to get embodied
as I want, it right. If I try to force the person to become the image I have, I
am wrong. I might be a weirdo or a freak or unbelievable, but the fact is, I
have never “expected” anything back when I am loving. To me love is giving and
hoping that if I have given enough, I might get something back. I know, the
hard-wired standard responses are – this is not real, so I must be lying. Do I
care? Impatient, I am never! Predator? Some people like to snatch and some
people like gifts. I feel like the second group. Yes we have earned the bad
name – but still hope to have some trials before the judgments are passed, its
easier for me and I guess a few other men too. If love is possession then how
come the caged bird yearns for freedom? When I respect a person for what she is
and get respect, when I know both can expect support equally from the other,
and both are competing to give the other more – that’s when I feel loved. Hurt
is life! When I get hurt I know I am alive – and ready to go out and love. I
don’t know if I am entitled, but I have my little dreams and hopes; have shared
them with few; yet to see someone walking beside towards it; but I know
somewhere down the journey, there will be one.

As I always say, there is no 20 before 19. Does that mean
that standing at 19 we start believing 20 does not exist? The very next step
would bring us to it. It wrong to take decisions just from our own experiences.
There’s is more to world than we have seen or believed. If we keep faith in our
dreams and hopes and keep walking, we will definitely reach there.

18 responses to “Answers And A Bit More

  1. is this wat they mean by chinese torture ? bhat bokar limit hoy .
    as if real life is not torturous and thought provoking that you have to start lecturing in space . sala suwar.
    dont remember wat i read just now so no comments . but i guess your thoughts are as clouded as mine as of now.


  2. You know the part where you said there needs to be a competition between the two partners, each of them should wanna give the other more…I couldnt agree with you more. It\’s uncanny coz I was telling my guy the SAME thing last night. And yeah, its a darn good thing tht v wanna prove to each other that the other wants them more…
    About hard wired responses and pre-concieved images of what we \’want\’ to see, it\’s kinda like this I feel…I read about you, try and find traits that I can associate with the stereotyes/cliches I have in my head, and then try and form a synergy between the two. So, you could fall into the smart-intellectual-bandit frame or the cute-thinking-adorable frame…depends on what trait of your triggered what association in me, however random..
    And about south indian songs, dude!! have you seen south Indian porn?? It\’s funnier than Russel Peters i tell ya… try getting your hand on some…
    wink wink


  3. …….i\’m not awake enough to fully appreciate all that yet…….and its a different matter that i\’m not required to, at  least for a few more years…actually, all i came to say was that i ran a search on wikipedia, and it turns out that the pea part has actually been derived from its genus name Pavo, Afropavo….as u\’d already told me…now i\’m sad coz my myth-to-be is useless….: s
    so what conclusion have i drawn from all this? that peacocks are not only auditory irritants, they can also bam-boozle people……………..when peacocks get drenched in the rain, do they get a wet bird smell like dogs get a wet dog smell ? sorry, but wikipedia didnt touch upon this aspect…


  4. hey Horus! Finally, i am awake enough to send u a message! : P
    Now i was thinking, tht these questions, i think we ponder in general, but sometimes we ponder to culminate. I think tht u are asking these questions to ur self, coz u are faced with the dilemma of which one of those versions u\’d wanna be now, at this juncture, whtever juncture tht is. Ofcourse htis is wht i think, and i have the tottal capacity of being in the wrong. feel free to correct me.
    Ur here talking about Unconditional Love…………….i am a firm believer of it…..but its sad tht ihavent encountered much of it. I think i give someitmes without expecting things back, but its tough, it does not come naturally to me. See monologues have their limitations, but dialogues always, are better coiffee table companions, dont u think?
    Hmmm…..and about believing and trusting in ur pond of mush, i cud only do tht depending on wht i have percied of u here, on this space. I could be disillusioned and i could be dead wrong. But something tells me ur pond is all grime free. = )
    And why sweet Horus, this trust issues of the virtual and the online? I wud like to knw more abt this…….Jaded are we these days?
    Right, now tht the questions are answered and we have established tht Peter Pan is the best, and thank u so much for thjose quotes! I luuuub them! Lets just rest up this weekend…aye?
    take care,
    leaving u burried under an avalance of mango kisses, served with fresh cream ofcourse!
    mwah\’s, take care,


  5. what i know is…mint makes men impotent and the heat from the gear in your car can give birth to cancer cells in your scrotum  don\’t tell me I didn\’t warn you!
    They taught me that at college.
    Bio…you see.


  6. what was i doing at night? trying to get my dog to stop pushing me off my own bed every 15 minutes…the air head assumed it to be some sort of weird new game..its surprising what a good bulldozer imitation a 5 year old pug can do….
    btw, u dont need to go ahead and drown sm poor bird..i dont know if peacocks bite, but i can safely say frm personal experience tht they do give a hell of a chase…we had plenty of tempramental animals and birds taking up residence at my grandparents\’ place…kinda like a ruskin bond story…


  7. lol…okay. btw, mine\’s up.


  8. o u bet…i was one of the psychotic squirrels "kato"…anyway, here\’s ur high five **….O.o…can i add u on msn ?


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  10. pfft…i knew that! *pouts stupidly*….i was juz too lazy to type "whts ur email address boss?"……anyway, i added you, so u\’d better accept….my id goes something along the lines of magikal_…


  11. very clear perspective this! I agree completely – our sexuality is nurtured by so many things- chemicals, social rearing & brain chemistry and men & women are certainly wired differently. they feel and react differently. Men have sex written on their minds- I dont know predatory or not but women want something romantic out of it & then sex comes up after love is realized – an extension of their feelings.
    This is endless topic..the way men & women are
    take care


  12. hey…amazing post man..well for one thing i think u hit the nail on da head when u say is it possible to find someone whu respects u and wants to be with you not for physical or emotional gains but just because they wanna be wid u……:-)


  13. Jeez. Heavy stuff. Good, but heavy.


  14. quite justified with the answers u have given but alas, there arent many who think on the same lines.
    btw, i had definitely thought of u. there are sum people who make sum significant difference to even a moment of ur life by their brief presence. and that moment is worth a journey. it is only such moments n such remarkable people who make life worth living and pile it up with experiences. u have definitely contributed ur moment. n m glad that u feel proud abt it. i too feel for u contributing that moment in my life. it isnt always the mere physical presence of a person that counts. but sumtimes its what u say that makes the difference. one of the persons i have cherished n will hence always isnt with me, but he is present with his words, n that is what matters.
    well… yes i dont quite prefer cooking, but that refers to those elaborate meals. i like making quick bites. love making a whole lot of snackers basically of the fast food genre both indian n else. but cookin full course meals, n standing in front of the gas for hours, tht isnt quite what i like.
    but at the end the joy is a dish well cooked n seeing the people who u serve, eat it with their full delight, isnt it?
    i also wonder what ur initials stand for  IC 😉
    my personal fav kickass is being alone at home, putting the music on high volume, holding a bottle as a mic n singing aloud. its one of those undone dreams which i love to live with in my own little world.


  15. lok jon boddo beshi kotha boltey arombho korchey , i want silence as of now . guess the space is a noisy place these days .
    hmmmm.  survival mode fultu functional?


  16. Well , u haven\’t left much for us to say …this time …U\’ve pretty much dissected and examined the whole issue …so ..yeah all i have to say is …Human beings tend to generalise…so when one man makes a wrong move on a woman… the word spreads and as we\’ve been taught right since we were kids "CAUTION IS BETTER THAN CURE"
    thanks for stopping by…
    Am going back to hyderbad soon…
    Well as of now I\’m thriving on the weather here in Bangalore ….love it.


  17. well said, \’if love is possession then y does the caged bird yearn for freedom?"……i agree, love is not possession, n if u think it is, den itz not love tht  u r talkin abt……..
    n m glad tht u realise itz imp 2 respect so as 2 love……very few do…….all in all good to see u got ur answers….:-)
    best wishes


  18. aranya paakhi

    I thought i was going to read about the true nature of men but ended up reading about love. so the summary did not help, but the reflections on love did, a little bit.  but with anything about love and its like, every little thing helps !!!


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