Do we do what we do? Or are we simply destined to enact which is already set? The present phase of my life is quite similar to what I think of my life. Just as I say that I came to this world alone – I landed on this great city on a April 19 morning. I was fascinated as a child with all the visual wind – soft, pleasing but exciting. I was swinging between hope and uncertainty. I did not have any expectations and was ready to take on the world. I was ready to take it alone.
Six years down the line, I find myself surrounded by so many things. In the way I have picked up many things – materials, relationships and emotions. Some of them have fallen back by the road, while some have stuck with me. Some of them I feel responsible for and some I simply love to have.
As everything have their own pull and force, all that I have carried with me exerts forces on me. They all want to pull me towards them; they want attention – just like the little girl in my neighborhood I play with on the weekend afternoons. Forces, when they pull on the same or similar direction, they help you move; but when they all try to pull in their own merry way, it’s difficult, difficult to move at any direction. It’s chaos. Do you then cut off some of those attachments to be free? Do you feel the force that beckons you to move forward is more powerful or do you want to stay back with all the forces that are so much attached with you?
May be the answer lies in the chaos. What may seem chaos might be concealing a pattern. There might be a way by which you can simply give a nudge, that initiates a chain reaction to rearrange all the pulling forces in one direction, the direction I want to move towards. I always say change is inevitable, but I guess we might be influence the direction of change. The outcome – who knows, but the direction? May be I need to delve inside, may be the forces wants me to dive into the inner space – to look for answers! I hope its there – No, I know it’s there, all I need is to find it! I have to!